There have been times in the last few months I wanted to post and check in with how things have been going, and the thoughts I've had.... but to be honest, it was so emotionally draining, that I didn't have the energy to even write about them.
I have now been on Metformin for 3 months, and I need to schedule an appointment to head back into the doctor to check my blood work and see if the Metformin is working. I can tell you - I have never had 3 periods in a row, and the fact that I have, I know the Metformin is working. There was a 2 week period where I would have sworn I was pregnant - as did everyone else in the ER. I had back pain, I would dry heave at the sight of certain foods, I was getting sick throughout different parts of the day, etc. I finally caved and took a pregnancy test, only to have it appear negative..... I won't put myself through that one again.
I've added certain pages on facebook for other individuals struggling with PCOS, and my goodness, I find I can't let myself view them. It's so terribly depressing and draws me close to tears reading these stories. They make me feel like there's no hope. No Cure.
My older sister, who also has PCOS, struggled with fertility for 10 yrs before having the most adorable little peanut I have ever seen. She announced in January, she is pregnant again! Although at the time, I cried hysterically like a little baby because it was her and not me, I realized how she is a walking example that even though I have PCOS, there is hope! She is pregnant again with no medications, no fertility treatments, etc and here she is!
I am FINALLY at a point where I can respond to someone's pregnancy like a normal human being without cursing them under my breath or becoming so insanely jealous. It's taken awhile. It still hurts, but I can be genuinely happy for someone.
My husband and I have made a huge decision this past month. Last Fall we began talking about doing Foster Care/Adoption. We talked about it for quite awhile, researched and I prayed about it. We both feel that this is something we want to go forward on. We can't keep stagnant on waiting for something that may never happen. We have to be realistic that there is a chance we will never have children of our own. We've decided to do Foster Care for now, with the possibility of adoption in the future. We believe that we want to help a child, love a child, whose circumstances are not of their own fault.
We are excited to be moving forward with our lives and with our family. It's a huge step, but one I feel that God is control of. I found a quote a few weeks ago stating that sometimes our plans are not God's plans, but that his are so much better than what we could have ever imagined for ourselves. I find a lot of comfort in that.
We have an abundance of paperwork to fill out. Our 3 dogs were amazing during our first home visit by the social worker - that was our biggest concern. Because we stated we wanted to do age 0-10yrs, the only thing our house was not compliant with was I need to put my medication (Metformin and prenatal vitamins) back into the medicine cabinet; I keep them on the kitchen window ledge so I remember to take them lol and we have to get outlet covers for all the outlets in the house. Everything else was already up to par! whoo hoo!!!
Starting April 1st, we will begin taking training classes mandated by the state of Illinois. Only problem is I work Monday evenings and work isn't really being as giving with schedule lee-way as I had hoped, but I will get it figured out. There's no ifs, ands, or buts here..... this is something I will do, and thankfully, with God in control, everything will fall into place.
Also, in 7 weeks, I have lost 19 some pounds and finally am working out. The doctor felt that to help decrease the severity of the PCOS, if I could start to get a little weight off, it would make a huge difference.... well, I can tell you I am definitely feeling better. I am just trying to stay focused so I can better our chances!
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