There have been times in the last few months I wanted to post and check in with how things have been going, and the thoughts I've had.... but to be honest, it was so emotionally draining, that I didn't have the energy to even write about them.
I have now been on Metformin for 3 months, and I need to schedule an appointment to head back into the doctor to check my blood work and see if the Metformin is working. I can tell you - I have never had 3 periods in a row, and the fact that I have, I know the Metformin is working. There was a 2 week period where I would have sworn I was pregnant - as did everyone else in the ER. I had back pain, I would dry heave at the sight of certain foods, I was getting sick throughout different parts of the day, etc. I finally caved and took a pregnancy test, only to have it appear negative..... I won't put myself through that one again.
I've added certain pages on facebook for other individuals struggling with PCOS, and my goodness, I find I can't let myself view them. It's so terribly depressing and draws me close to tears reading these stories. They make me feel like there's no hope. No Cure.
My older sister, who also has PCOS, struggled with fertility for 10 yrs before having the most adorable little peanut I have ever seen. She announced in January, she is pregnant again! Although at the time, I cried hysterically like a little baby because it was her and not me, I realized how she is a walking example that even though I have PCOS, there is hope! She is pregnant again with no medications, no fertility treatments, etc and here she is!
I am FINALLY at a point where I can respond to someone's pregnancy like a normal human being without cursing them under my breath or becoming so insanely jealous. It's taken awhile. It still hurts, but I can be genuinely happy for someone.
My husband and I have made a huge decision this past month. Last Fall we began talking about doing Foster Care/Adoption. We talked about it for quite awhile, researched and I prayed about it. We both feel that this is something we want to go forward on. We can't keep stagnant on waiting for something that may never happen. We have to be realistic that there is a chance we will never have children of our own. We've decided to do Foster Care for now, with the possibility of adoption in the future. We believe that we want to help a child, love a child, whose circumstances are not of their own fault.
We are excited to be moving forward with our lives and with our family. It's a huge step, but one I feel that God is control of. I found a quote a few weeks ago stating that sometimes our plans are not God's plans, but that his are so much better than what we could have ever imagined for ourselves. I find a lot of comfort in that.
We have an abundance of paperwork to fill out. Our 3 dogs were amazing during our first home visit by the social worker - that was our biggest concern. Because we stated we wanted to do age 0-10yrs, the only thing our house was not compliant with was I need to put my medication (Metformin and prenatal vitamins) back into the medicine cabinet; I keep them on the kitchen window ledge so I remember to take them lol and we have to get outlet covers for all the outlets in the house. Everything else was already up to par! whoo hoo!!!
Starting April 1st, we will begin taking training classes mandated by the state of Illinois. Only problem is I work Monday evenings and work isn't really being as giving with schedule lee-way as I had hoped, but I will get it figured out. There's no ifs, ands, or buts here..... this is something I will do, and thankfully, with God in control, everything will fall into place.
Also, in 7 weeks, I have lost 19 some pounds and finally am working out. The doctor felt that to help decrease the severity of the PCOS, if I could start to get a little weight off, it would make a huge difference.... well, I can tell you I am definitely feeling better. I am just trying to stay focused so I can better our chances!
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Finally, adjustments!
Yesterday I was on call for 16 hours. I was nervous going into it because I didn't know if I would be able to still eat if we got a long haul, and then if we did get a long haul, I didn't want to end up eating crap.
We ended up getting a 7 hour transport. I made sure to take the metformin as I was leaving and I quickly packed a sandwich bag of almonds and a jug of water for the road.
The drive down I spent a lot of time just day dreaming and thinking about how supportive my husband has been....and how lucky I am. I mean, maybe it's just my crazy thinking, but I guess I imagined if I man found out his wife might not be able to have kids, he would purchase the cheapest ticket to get the heck out of dodge to find someone else who could. I know it's my husbands dream to be able to pass along his last name.... and he's the only person who can. What a weight on his shoulders, huh? But - he's been amazing. Too amazing sometimes. For my glucose check, he came and sat in the waiting room with me for two hours and let me sleep on his shoulder since I had just completed a 12hr over night shift.
Yesterday I didn't feel sick at all and I think my body has finally adjusted to the metformin....just in time to up the dose LOL. One thing I am noticing very quickly, is how much my appetite is now near non existent and I am forcing myself to stop eating once I'm full...or at least, comfortable.
I guess when someone finally tells you it's do or die, or in my case, either I will have children or I can't, it really lights a fire under your bum.
We ended up getting a 7 hour transport. I made sure to take the metformin as I was leaving and I quickly packed a sandwich bag of almonds and a jug of water for the road.
The drive down I spent a lot of time just day dreaming and thinking about how supportive my husband has been....and how lucky I am. I mean, maybe it's just my crazy thinking, but I guess I imagined if I man found out his wife might not be able to have kids, he would purchase the cheapest ticket to get the heck out of dodge to find someone else who could. I know it's my husbands dream to be able to pass along his last name.... and he's the only person who can. What a weight on his shoulders, huh? But - he's been amazing. Too amazing sometimes. For my glucose check, he came and sat in the waiting room with me for two hours and let me sleep on his shoulder since I had just completed a 12hr over night shift.
Yesterday I didn't feel sick at all and I think my body has finally adjusted to the metformin....just in time to up the dose LOL. One thing I am noticing very quickly, is how much my appetite is now near non existent and I am forcing myself to stop eating once I'm full...or at least, comfortable.
I guess when someone finally tells you it's do or die, or in my case, either I will have children or I can't, it really lights a fire under your bum.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
An 8yr catch up!
It's been a long journey and many mis-diagnosis over the last 8 years. It's ironic, some things that happened I can barely even remember, but now, as my husband and I are 3 years into our journey of a desire to become parents, these puzzle pieces begin to make sense.
I decided to start an online journal of what we are going through, in hopes, that someone who is also dealing with infertility, might stumble upon it and feel comforted that they aren't alone. Thankfully - I have an amazing support group of a few close girl friends (many who recently stepped out of the woodwork and came to my side) and an older sister who has become my rock and crutch. If it wasn't for her - I don't know how I would have gotten through the last 2 years emotionally.
Let's try and catch everyone up real quick. When I was 21yrs old, I was told I could never have children because I supposedly didn't have a cervix. I remember sitting in the hospital parking lot crying hysterically as I tried to call my older sister - who did her best to comfort me. It was then, the first time, she told me she would be a surrogate for me. I saw doctor after doctor (4 in one summer) and the last one wanted me to go into the city and see a specialist.....never happened. When I was 23yrs old, ta-da, I was told I DID have a cervix. Turns out - my hymen just never broke until I was 23! Ha! I didn't know that was even possible?!
When I was 24, I went off birth control for the first time in 10 years. I was put on birth control when I was 14 to regulate my very irregular periods. After going off the birth control, I would have a period maybe once every 6-10 months.
Throughout 24-26 yrs old, I had normal and "red flag" annual paps. I got to the point where I didn't even want to go in for my annual exam, worrying where they would stick, poke, or cut me next. When my husband and I started to try to conceive, I was 26 and had been together a year. We were very proactive initially, but then decided not to necessarily TRY to become pregnant but just, "if it happens it happens".
When I was 27, we began fertility treatments. I initially started on a low dosage of clomid. When that round didn't take, they bumped up the round. The emotions were awful, as was the blood work. During an ultra sound, they discovered I had several cysts on my ovaries, and severe cysts on my right ovary. They diagnosed me with PCOS and told me to lose 10 lbs and it would help (okay, before you go getting upset, hang in there, it gets crazy!). I began my second round just before turning 28yrs old, in 2008. Shortly after I started my second round of clomid, I began having severe abdominal pains. Turned out - my gall bladder had to come out, stat! Surgery happened February 14, 2012. After that - we took time off from the infertility treatments.
We moved this past summer to "start new" and I decided to go back to college to finish my degree. With the move, we lost our health insurance. Still struggling with fertility, through my new job, I now have health insurance....which does not cover fertility treatments. I thought maybe there were things they could help with without labeling them as fertility treatments.
My first appointment was 3 weeks ago with an annual pap and blood work. I passed out twice that day. I have very bad veins - they roll, are deep and are extremely tiny. I received a phone call later that week and was told my blood work came back normal and my thyroid - which I thought was the culprit, was normal as well.
Week 2 - we did a glucose test. I fast for 12 hours, and drank over 4 liters of water in hopes they would be able to access the vein. They did and then I drank a decent amount of this orange sugar liquid and waited for two hours, followed by more blood work.
Last week (week 3), I went back to the doctors for the results..... and .... WOW! We found out that I did test positive for PCOS and asked me what testings my previous OBGYN did to discover I had PCOS and I said all they did was the ultra sound and told me to lose 10 lbs. Whoa - my midwife, was TICKED! She said there's multiple steps that need to be established in order to truly test someone for PCOS, not just an ultra sound.
Turns out, my body isn't producing any insulin, which explains the extreme weight gain I had several years ago (70 lbs in 13 months), why I've struggled to lose weight, and why I seem to have dizzy spells and nauseous when I haven't eaten in several hours. We also discovered my body is barely producing estrogen and my testosterone levels are extremely high.
They decided to treat me with Metformin, which is used for diabetics, but is a secondary medication to treat PCOS. The midwife, was beyond amazing and very kind. Week 1 is one pill a day, week 2 is two pills a day and week three will be 3 pills a day for the next 3 months. I was put on a high protein low carb diet, I was told to exercise at least 30 min a day and to get 15min of sunlight a day.....and to stay on my prenatal vitamin!
I've now been on metformin for 6 days....and only one of those days, I have not been sick. I have a lot of stomach aches now and feel just "yucky" most of my afternoon. I was warned though, as my body adjusts to the metformin, that will be the case. I have however, went from 259 lbs down to 254lbs.
We have been eating extremely healthy and every meal is full of protein. We have been eating a lot of eggs, yogurt, fruit, turkey, chicken and salads. I definitely feel better, I need to begin the working out process, but my work schedule is so chaotic, I'm so tired by the time I have a chance to work out...regardless, it has to happen.
I know I filled this entry with a lot of information spread out over many years..... but now you're up to date and from here on out I feel like I will be able to more describe my own personal feelings with what all is happening and will become a little more personal.
I'm excited to share my story with anyone else who might be struggling. I know it's not easy and i know there's soooo many emotions you go through. But I can tell you, that this is the first time in 3 years I feel like I have hope that if we can get the PCOS under control, I might have a chance at becoming a mother!
I decided to start an online journal of what we are going through, in hopes, that someone who is also dealing with infertility, might stumble upon it and feel comforted that they aren't alone. Thankfully - I have an amazing support group of a few close girl friends (many who recently stepped out of the woodwork and came to my side) and an older sister who has become my rock and crutch. If it wasn't for her - I don't know how I would have gotten through the last 2 years emotionally.
Let's try and catch everyone up real quick. When I was 21yrs old, I was told I could never have children because I supposedly didn't have a cervix. I remember sitting in the hospital parking lot crying hysterically as I tried to call my older sister - who did her best to comfort me. It was then, the first time, she told me she would be a surrogate for me. I saw doctor after doctor (4 in one summer) and the last one wanted me to go into the city and see a specialist.....never happened. When I was 23yrs old, ta-da, I was told I DID have a cervix. Turns out - my hymen just never broke until I was 23! Ha! I didn't know that was even possible?!
When I was 24, I went off birth control for the first time in 10 years. I was put on birth control when I was 14 to regulate my very irregular periods. After going off the birth control, I would have a period maybe once every 6-10 months.
Throughout 24-26 yrs old, I had normal and "red flag" annual paps. I got to the point where I didn't even want to go in for my annual exam, worrying where they would stick, poke, or cut me next. When my husband and I started to try to conceive, I was 26 and had been together a year. We were very proactive initially, but then decided not to necessarily TRY to become pregnant but just, "if it happens it happens".
When I was 27, we began fertility treatments. I initially started on a low dosage of clomid. When that round didn't take, they bumped up the round. The emotions were awful, as was the blood work. During an ultra sound, they discovered I had several cysts on my ovaries, and severe cysts on my right ovary. They diagnosed me with PCOS and told me to lose 10 lbs and it would help (okay, before you go getting upset, hang in there, it gets crazy!). I began my second round just before turning 28yrs old, in 2008. Shortly after I started my second round of clomid, I began having severe abdominal pains. Turned out - my gall bladder had to come out, stat! Surgery happened February 14, 2012. After that - we took time off from the infertility treatments.
We moved this past summer to "start new" and I decided to go back to college to finish my degree. With the move, we lost our health insurance. Still struggling with fertility, through my new job, I now have health insurance....which does not cover fertility treatments. I thought maybe there were things they could help with without labeling them as fertility treatments.
My first appointment was 3 weeks ago with an annual pap and blood work. I passed out twice that day. I have very bad veins - they roll, are deep and are extremely tiny. I received a phone call later that week and was told my blood work came back normal and my thyroid - which I thought was the culprit, was normal as well.
Week 2 - we did a glucose test. I fast for 12 hours, and drank over 4 liters of water in hopes they would be able to access the vein. They did and then I drank a decent amount of this orange sugar liquid and waited for two hours, followed by more blood work.
Last week (week 3), I went back to the doctors for the results..... and .... WOW! We found out that I did test positive for PCOS and asked me what testings my previous OBGYN did to discover I had PCOS and I said all they did was the ultra sound and told me to lose 10 lbs. Whoa - my midwife, was TICKED! She said there's multiple steps that need to be established in order to truly test someone for PCOS, not just an ultra sound.
Turns out, my body isn't producing any insulin, which explains the extreme weight gain I had several years ago (70 lbs in 13 months), why I've struggled to lose weight, and why I seem to have dizzy spells and nauseous when I haven't eaten in several hours. We also discovered my body is barely producing estrogen and my testosterone levels are extremely high.
They decided to treat me with Metformin, which is used for diabetics, but is a secondary medication to treat PCOS. The midwife, was beyond amazing and very kind. Week 1 is one pill a day, week 2 is two pills a day and week three will be 3 pills a day for the next 3 months. I was put on a high protein low carb diet, I was told to exercise at least 30 min a day and to get 15min of sunlight a day.....and to stay on my prenatal vitamin!
I've now been on metformin for 6 days....and only one of those days, I have not been sick. I have a lot of stomach aches now and feel just "yucky" most of my afternoon. I was warned though, as my body adjusts to the metformin, that will be the case. I have however, went from 259 lbs down to 254lbs.
We have been eating extremely healthy and every meal is full of protein. We have been eating a lot of eggs, yogurt, fruit, turkey, chicken and salads. I definitely feel better, I need to begin the working out process, but my work schedule is so chaotic, I'm so tired by the time I have a chance to work out...regardless, it has to happen.
I know I filled this entry with a lot of information spread out over many years..... but now you're up to date and from here on out I feel like I will be able to more describe my own personal feelings with what all is happening and will become a little more personal.
I'm excited to share my story with anyone else who might be struggling. I know it's not easy and i know there's soooo many emotions you go through. But I can tell you, that this is the first time in 3 years I feel like I have hope that if we can get the PCOS under control, I might have a chance at becoming a mother!
Thursday, October 11, 2012
I love you already.
"I might have to wait. I'll never give up. I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck. Wherever you are, whenever it's right, you'll come out of nowhere and into my life." ~ Michael Buble
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